A chat with Simon

Drawn together by a passion for lollygagging and speaking to random strangers, Simon and I have known each other for just shy of 25 years. For the whole time he has had Cool Bikes. And a lot of them. I have a very clear recollection of riding his Kona Unit on Union Street one night, and deciding that a Unit was for me. A year or two later I crashed my Kona Smoke into the back of a car, destroying the frame. It was replaced with a Kona Unit 2-9 which I've written about here a few times.

Simon's current fun-bike is a Kona (again, yes) Humuhumu-nukunuku-apua'a. Is it the longest model name for a bike? Probably.

You with eagle-eyes have probably spotted the pink fork that used to be on my Unit.

Simon bought this Humu new around 2008-2009. When I showed some surprise that he'd bought it brand new, he had this to say:

It was cheap. Like $650. I think it was the cheapest bike that Kona had available at the time. It's a simple bike with cheap components. Single speed. Two V-brakes. And that's it. It fitted my ethos at the time, which was "single speed everything" and I still do that...mostly.

Simon parted ways with the bike, but got it back a couple of years ago.

Track-ends are a bit of a faff

Here's a transcript of what we talked about over a cup of coffee sitting in the sun somewhere in Brompton.

Simon: There were two sizes, this is the small one. It's too small for me. That's normally how I like bikes anyway. I'd rather go one size small than one size big, generally. That's the courier background. We all ran our track-bikes small because they're more responsive and more fun.

KO: People talk about sizing the Omnium and how they want to buy the medium size because they're just over 6 foot. Having had a large, and not being 6 foot, it's obvious that it's not purely about height.

Simon: People also have different length arms.

KO: And different ratios of torso and limbs.

Simon: I'm all arms. Like an orangutan. Having a short torso and long arms means that downsizing a bike works quite well, because it drops the handlebars away from you as the seat goes up a bit. It does mean that the seat tube has developed a crack in it. I run a 400 mm seat-post and a chunky clamp to keep it together.

KO: What's next for the bike?

Simon: New bars. Those are not very comfortable.

KO: Gears?

Simon: Yes, probably soon. I have all the gear. I have a cheap Sunrace derailleur and a reasonably wide-range 8-speed cassette. It's a standard non-clutch derailleur. I'll go down a size chain-ring as well and see how it goes.

KO: What's on there at the moment?

Simon: It's 36. It's the Surly one you gave me. It was a 42 which is why the chain guard is so big. I'll try the 11-40 and if that works well, as things start to wear out I'll switch it out for a Microshift drivetrain or similar. The only problem is that whenever you need to take the wheel off for any reason, you need to take the whole lot - cassette and derailleur - off and keep it next to the bike, or break the chain.

KO: Can you get 8-speed quicklinks?

Simon: Yeah. 8-9 speed is still the standard. Buy it in any bike-shop anywhere in the world because that's where it's up to.

KO: The whole 11 and 12 speed is still newfangled.

Simon: It's very finnicky, and part of the race-scene. We lose sight of that in Australia because we're so recreational about bicycles. There are so many bicycles riding 8-speed bikes around that we don't think about, because they're just buying cheap bikes or using second-hand bikes, and they're not interested in tuning a 12-speed one-by.

KO: And if you're travelling by bike, or just want the damned thing to work as often as possible for as little money as poss....

Simon: Then you go single-speed. They never break. It's very hard to do any damage to a single-speed.

KO: I did break an axle on my Unit. But I suspect it was a manufacting problem.

Simon: You must have been putting down some serious power.

KO: You know me - dropping watt bombs.

Simon: You're a Unit! A single speed should last forever.

KO: You see people riding bicycles they probably bought in the 50s and 60s.

Simon: You see people riding around on bicycles they got from their parent. Or grandparent. You see that in the Netherlands all the time. They load them up with grease and they never dry up. However, my knees tell me I shouldn't be riding single speed forever.

KO: This is the issue.

Simon: Around the city it's fine, but up hills - definitely not an option.

KO: Let me know when you've put the 8-speed on there, and we can go for ice cream in Ashton. It's bloody good.

Simon: There's one bike that I'd buy and probably keep the way it is, and that's the Pelago. That is just very nice.

KO: It's very, very nice.

Simon: I'd keep that one as it is, if I had the money. That said, if I had the money, I'd buy an Omnium.

Simon: This bike is just a shits and giggles bike. I'll probably just keep it until it dies.

KO: There's no real reason why it should die.

Simon: Except that seat tube crack. As we know, if anything goes wrong with the frame, and you chuck it because it's hard to get frame work done and this frame is honestly not worth getting things done on.

KO: I think Peter would give it a go.

Simon: Yes, but at what cost. I could just get another bike. It's the truth of the economy we live in.

KO: The sad truth of it all.

Simon: It's very hard to make the case for spending a lot of money fixing a bike frame when you can just get another one. I wouldn't buy a new one - I'd just find something second-hand, steel, and suitable and buy that. We live in a time when you can buy quite a good cro-mo gravel bike. One-by. Wide range. Wide tyres. Good ergos for a thousand dollars.

KO: It's hard to justify the cost for repairing.

Simon: I'd be curious what Peter would charge, but you'd need to take the frame apart and put it back together with a new seat tube. You could maybe braze a sleeve to the outside and salvage it that way.

KO: You'd make it heavier!

Simon: OH NO!

KO: Are you a person who really loves specific bikes?

Simon: No. I'm very...very...

KO: "Cattle, not pets."

Simon: Yes, pretty much. Bikes are a tool.

At this stage we'd finished our coffee and we were shortly due at the Central Markets for lunch.

Do you have a bike you love, and want to talk to me about it? Get in touch!